I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
