he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
