Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
