FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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