i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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