Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
