ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
