Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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