Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
