She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
