I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
