we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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