suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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