i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
