Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
