true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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