you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize