I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
