Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
