so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize