im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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