Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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