So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
