five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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