i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
