Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize