I can't watch pbs sober anymore
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
