woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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