her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
