If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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