how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
