I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
