I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
