i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
