it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If its not for food we ain't going out.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
