i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
