After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize