Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
