How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
