operation harelip BJ is a go
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
