There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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