You really coming over, don't trick.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
