I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
