the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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