just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
