if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
