Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
