brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
