he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
