Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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