Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
