3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Randomize
