I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
