im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
two words: eviction party
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
