Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
