I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
