We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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