I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
