he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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