Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
