i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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