There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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