these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
third nipple confirmed
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize