So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
