i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize