My liver just broke up with me...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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