I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
