Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
