Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
