in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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