so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize