he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
