I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
